Laughter Is the Best Medicine (when you don’t have tequila)

11 Jun

“I think we’re out on a limb right now, hanging over a cliff, and we’re trying to find a way to get back.”    Charlie Manuel

You think?

Yes, things are looking bleak right now for our boys in red.  And the news yesterday that Eric Kratz will need surgery for a torn meniscus in his left knee will not help a team already missing their first-string catcher.  Not to mention the fact that Kratz is second on the Phillies in home runs with eight and fourth in RBIs with 22.

Add to that the uncertain return dates for Chase Utley , Carlos Ruiz and Roy Halladay and it makes you wanna cry.

But instead, I thought this might be a good morning to laugh.

Leading off will be pitcher Earl Wilson.

“A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.”    Earl Wilson

Unfortunately for the Phillies, this whole season so far has been a nervous breakdown.

“I’ve come to the conclusion that the two most important things in life are good friends and a good bullpen.”   Bob Lemon

“Why does everybody stand up and sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” when they’re already there?”     Larry Anderson

“Ninety feet between home plate and first base may be the closest man has ever come to perfection. “   Red Smith

“Andre Dawson has a bruised knee and is listed as day-to-day.  Aren’t we all?”           Vin Scully

“Finish last in your league and they call you idiot.  Finish last in medical school and they call you Doctor.”     Abe Lemons

“I managed a team that was so bad we considered a 2-0 count on the batter a rally. “        Rich Donnelly, minor league manager

“I could never play in New York.  The first time I came into a game there, I got into the bullpen car and they told me to lock the doors.”         Mike Flanagan, Baltimore Orioles

“The kid doesn’t chew tobacco, smoke, drink, curse or chase broads.  I don’t see how he can make it.”    Richie Ashburn

“I believe in rules.  Sure I do.  If there weren’t any rules, how could you break them? ”    Leo Durocher

“There are only two seasons–winter and baseball.”     Bill Veeck

“The best possible thing in baseball is winning the World Series.  The second best thing is losing the World Series.”      Tommy Lasorda

“There are peaks and valleys in this game.  We’re in a valley–Death Valley.”           Kirby Puckett

We hear you, brother.

The next one comes from the late, great closer Tug McGraw,  and it’s one of my favorites.  When asked if he had a preference between grass or Astroturf, the Tugger replied,

“I dunno.  I never smoked any Astroturf.”  

“Any time you think you have the game conquered the game will turn around and punch you right in the nose.”    Mike Schmidt

“I don’t want to play golf.  When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it.”      Rogers Hornsby

“The designated hitter rule is like letting someone else take Wilt Chamberlain’s free throws.”      Rick Wise

“Baseball, it is said, is only a game.  True.  And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona.”       George Will

 “We’re so bad right now that for us back-to-back home runs means one today and another one tomorrow.”    Earl Weaver

 Well, I hope I started your morning with a smile.  Now Yogi Berra will have the last word as only he can.

“Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical. ”  

“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

“You wouldn’t have won if we’d beaten you.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself.  Actually I couldn’t have said it even if I tried.

And taking us home (or should I say singing us home) is none other than the incomparable Harry the K.  Hit it, Har.

Next time your found, with your chin on the ground

There a lot to be learned, so look around

Just what makes that little old ant

Think hell move that rubber tree plant

Anyone knows an ant, cant

Move a rubber tree plant

But he’s got high hopes, he’s got high hopes

Hes got high apple pie, in the sky hopes

So any time your gettin low

Stead of lettin go

Just remember that ant

Oops there goes another rubber tree plant, oops there goes another ruber tree, oops that goes another tree plant.”

 So keep your chin up and you can  thank me later when you find yourself humming that song for the rest of your day!

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